Communication, huh?
Amy August 21st, 2009
My sweet husband and I are going through some growing pains as we try to better communicate with each other. As most of you think to yourselves, good luck!, I am confident that one of these days we will figure it out. I am checking into telepathy, so that those small things like words won’t get in the way…
We have always had our struggles in this area – we are a man and a woman – but as of late it seems to be getting worse. I know that he is worn out when he walks in the door from work and his commute and gets pounced on by Camden with whom he plays with for 30 minutes before bedtime. And after that we usually eat and watch tv, so not a whole lot of words are spared anyway, but the ones that are seem to crumble before they reach each other. We both seem to stare blankly at each other and go, huh?
The other day I figured out that one of our problems is that half of our conversations occur in Mike’s mind. He swears that he tells me stuff, and I truly believe he thinks he does, but it never makes it from brain to mouth.
Mike swears that it is his years of solitude prior to our marriage that makes this difficult. I think it is just marriage. I think that we need to get out more and shake things up. This will give us more to talk about and maybe stoke up the communication fires. I love our kids and I love talking about them, but sometimes I would like to have a conversation that doesn’t begin with “Today, Camden…”
Now communicating with my 2 little boys, that is another story… or maybe the same one. My eldest son who can remember the smallest detail about electronics, simply stares at me and goes, “huh?” repeatedly when I ask him what he is doing.
Growing up, I liked hanging out with guys more than girls because they were less complicated. My husband always tells me that his thoughts are not complicated, so maybe I should remember this and not expect discussions on how to change the world or the meaning of life, but I just want to be able to discuss what we’re doing this weekend in a coherent (for both of us) conversation.
Any tips?
- General
- Comments(2)
I think it is just the “Stone” trait…. I always assume that Leslie knows what is going on most of the time and she is behind me all thw way. But I didn’t tell her what was going on. When I see people out and about I also assume she knows them already since we knew each other 10 years before we got married. I am apologizing for this every time I do this. I ask her if she knew them and she says no making me feel that I am just rude but I am not. When I see people out when I am alone they usually say that they thought I would never get married probably goes the same for Mike. But I guess God knew what was best for the both of us. I was just the opposite of you. I always had more girlfriends than guy friends because I thought they were easier to get along with….But than again I always try to look at both sides of the fence before making a decision. For any tips I am home usually everday before her and I always ask her how her day went first thing when she comes in. She rarely asks me how mine was. I also tell her I love her more than she does me. We always joke that I am the woman of the house because I am like that and I cook all the time and baking stuff. Well I hope this gives some insight about all of us “STONES” and communicating gets better….I LOVE YOU ALL…..Mikes little brother
I believe this is a normal part of marriage with multiple kids – maybe with just one kid – but Marlowe and I noticed we didn’t communicate as much or as well after the second was born. We both were more exhausted at the end of the day – both mentally and physically. We found that our conversations were all wrapped around the kids – either starting with them, ending with them, or 100% about them. For us, working together was a blessing and a curse because after being together all day, we couldn’t start the typical “how was your day?” conversations because we knew all the answers – had literally been through it with each other.
Our solution – we promised dates to each other and during these times……..no kid talk. Dates didn’t mean we had to pay a babysitter and go out – it might mean that we watched a Braves game together after the kids went to bed, or we ate our dinner late while the kids were watching a movie on Friday night. Don’t get me wrong – going out to eat was nice too, but we didn’t need to spend extra $$ to reconnect.
It is a marriage – it takes work and effort and practice and patience. The more you “work at it”, the easier it gets and easier to get out of when you slip back into it the next time.